Over dramatic!!

“Why is it so difficult to forget her”, Pratik thought as he tried to put himself to sleep. It had been two years since they had broken up, and yet even now whenever he saw a pretty couple in the streets, or a famous song to which he used to dance, or an ice-cream parlour which had Belgian Dark Chocolate or a movie which he watched with his friends, her memory was still embedded in his head. “Maybe because I never hated her, even after we broke up”, “We never really had a fight, we just drifted apart.”, “Why am I such a loser?” These were random thoughts that always flitted past his mind.

And to make it worse she called him often, and told him that she really cared about him. “Pratik, how are you doing? I really miss you. You know yesterday we went for a movie and I was just thinking how much fun you would have had there. Why don’t you call me often? I still want to be friends with you” or “Pratik, I’m feeling so low and there is no one who could cheer me up better than you. I have friends here, but no one will ever be as close as we were. I really miss you, please stay in touch.” At first Pratik would try to remain distant but then his heart would melt and he would try and be a good friend. But he made no exceptions. He never called her, except on her birthday or on festival wishes and tried to push her out of his head, but it was really difficult.

He thought of dating other girls too, and was attracted to a girl who liked him in turn, but when they went on a date he compared everything to what Kriti used to do and really couldn’t stop himself from telling her to do this or that. As expected the girl, who had found this guy really sweet initially realised something was wrong and he was acting weird. She asked him, “What’s up with you Pratik? Why are you acting so funny all of a sudden?”, and although Pratik knew it inside he couldn’t find the courage to tell her the truth. “It’s nothing he said, this is who I am.” “Sod off then”, she said and that was the end of that.

Deep down inside he knew what the gnawing feeling was. He still loved her, and it was too hard to stay without her, but she was too far away and he didn’t want to tie her down. “She has a life”, he used to say to himself. “I can’t tie her down for no rhyme or reason. Let her enjoy her life” at the same time, he never changed his number, because difficult though it was hearing her voice once in a while got him back memories. He loved her voice too for God’s sake!!! It was like music to his ears. They were across continents, broken apart by distance, and yet he still loved her in spite of all his efforts to the contrary. And he had a feeling she felt the same way too, for she would call him for the pettiest of things, “ I bought a black dress today, it’s beautiful” or “I’m going to a party today after ages, I’m feeling so excited” or “I have an exam tomorrow, I’m so scared Pratik” and he would hear her out and not comprehend why she was still calling him.

Then one day the call came. “I’m coming back to India, Pratik. I know it’s been more than 2 years to the day we last met, but this time I have to meet you. I’ve met many people in the last two years, but somehow never met anyone who felt as dear as you. I don’t know why, but I just can’t forget you. Whenever I see something or do something, I just feel I have to tell you, I have to know how you feel. I try to forget you, but I can’t. I tried dating other guys but somehow I could never stop comparing them with you. I don’t know how you feel, because you act so indifferent whenever I call you, but this is how I feel about you. I don’t know why or how or what this is, but it’s just something that is so special to me. I want to meet you, but if you feel otherwise I will understand.” Tears welled up in Pratik’s eyes when he heard this and he was unable to say anything for a few seconds. She felt the same way as he did, she had said so!! And she was coming back, to meet him. Could it get any better than that!! “Just get here” he said, “and I’ll tell you how I feel.” And he hung up the phone, the happiest man in the world.

It was Mumbai airport, and he was waiting for her flight. Kriti was flying in fromFrankfurt, and he was supposed to pick her up from the airport. Everything was going to be perfect!! Life was looking so up right now he felt so happy!!
And then a radio announcement made his head spin round and round and round. “The flight from Frankfurt just crashed in the Arabian Sea!!” the announcers were screaming frantically. The television screens all around had been covered with flashing text. His mind was in an absolute frenzy! He felt crazy!! There was a one in a million chance that a flight would crash into the sea and it had to be this one! He was absolutely distraught and out of his mind. He tried calling her but her phone was switched off. He willed it to ring somehow and assure him that Kriti was fine, but he knew deep down that it wasn’t going to happen. Crying, clueless, senseless he walked out into the road like a madman, and didn’t see the bus coming.

Two hours later, in the mortuary a cell phone light beeped into life. “I had a last minute meeting, so I couldn’t catch the flight. Don’t worry about me I’m safe. I’ll be there tomorrow. See you.”

The Approach..

She was sitting in front of me, a pretty girl,
With lovely black hair, and skin which glowed like pearl,
I wanted to talk to her but I wondered what I’d say,
I went through some dialogues in my mind like a play.
I mustered up the courage, Puffed up my chest,
With the swagger of a Richards, I walked up to her desk,
She looked at me inquisitively, gave me a wondering stare,
I stuttered, I stammered, I looked here and there,
The story I’d imagined in my head was all in a mess,
I hoped I’d return to my place, with my respect none the less,
“What happened?” she asked, I found compassion in her tone,
The swagger all came back, I was in my imaginary comfort zone,
I was so smart I thought, as she gave me a smile,
I hadn’t uttered a word yet, and it seemed like a really long time,
I thought I would praise her and tell her how pretty she looked,
That would earn me some points, and she would be hooked,
But when I opened my mouth and those words came out,
I stood still in shock, “I love you”, I had said, there was no doubt,
I looked hither tither like a trapped deer as I waited for the slap,
And then before it could come, I bolted like a horse out of the trap.

Suicide...

Blinded by the murkiness all around,
Deafened in his head by the throbbing sound,
A tiny voice said in his head inside,
All I want is freedom in suicide.

Stripped of the last vestige of respect,
Not a glimmer of hope, or the very prospect,
Defamed, Defiled, Abused, Ridiculed, Rejected,
All he wants is his respect, in suicide to be resurrected.

He is tired, but the road seems to go on,
He can walk no more but his feet are so worn,
If he stops he knows life won’t give him a break,
All he wants is suicide. It’s the easiest step to take.

Bogged down by pressures, not in his hands,
He tries all he can, but it’s like filling a fist with sand,
Dejected by failure, afraid of defeat,
All he sees in suicide is a day less in retreat.

He feels the pain down to the very bone,
He loves her but can’t have her, his heart is torn,
A devil whispers in his ear, loveless life is worse than death,
All he wants is suicide, ties a noose to stop his breath.

Call it pain, call it weariness, call it whatever you like,
Call it freedom, call it respect, call it whatever you might,
Fear to face life, and the obstacles that come in its way,
Waver a second with that devil, and suicide shows it’s hideous face.

Of new friendships and old ties..

The last few months of my life have been ; well it's really hard to find one adjective for it; nostalgic definitely, eventful in terms of deciding my future for sure and wonderful in the matter of friendships and ties. Yes, so if one adjective could round off the three of these distinctly different feelings, that is what my life has been like. A couple of months without work, sitting at home and contemplating the future with time on hand, being depressive and nostalgic like I have never ever been, cutting myself off from human contact as much as possible, for large periods I had become a loner. I was faced with failure yet again, for as they say a miss is as much as a mile, but life as they say has to go on. And go on it has.

When good things happen, they start happening together. I remember a game show which had a tag line "Dene wala jab bhi deta deta chappad phaad ke". The dene wala never did give chappad phaad ke to the makers of the show, but I guess when things change for the better, they do become drastically better.

Mumbai it was first, the beginning of my mini India tour, where I met some good friends. It was easy to laugh and talk and drink and breathe. I was suffocating in Calcutta, I needed this breath of fresh air. Mumbai rocked, it made me more positive on life. A weekend to forget my worries and spend time with people whom I knew cared. Life suddenly looked better.

Then Delhi, when things finally started working out. The clouds on my future cleared up, and I also met a couple of old friends and had a blast of a time. The joys of friendship are many, but the joy of friendship renewed after a long gap is even better. Friendship is like wine they say, it only matures with time.

Then off to Nagpur it was, a lot of nostalgia, a lot of memories, a few old acquaintances, a few dear people. But the best of all a school friend, one of my great buddies, with whom I had long lost contact. The link was renewed, albeit in adverse circumstances, but renewed nonetheless, and it felt wonderful, reliving those old memories, laughing over those old episodes, sharing moments and feelings.

Then out of the blue, a new friendship. Someone became really close in the span of a couple of weeks. It was evident to me in a moment, that this was a special friendship. It has never been easier to share, it has never been more fun to laugh and talk. I have never ever hesitated a moment in being myself, and really, it never has been easier to be myself. New found friendship is always amazing, and I got a wonderfully fresh perspective on things.

And then a phone call from someone who has and always will be very important in my life, made me really really happy. I had been hiding, shying away, afraid to get hurt. I had shirked the responsibilities that come with friendship, because I was scared it was going to be so weird. But one phone call, and after ages, it was easy once more. All my fears have gone, and I promise I will stay in touch.

And then all of a sudden, I came across my oldest friend, my first friend, someone with whom I have shared my entire childhood. We have laughed and fought and cheated and had amazing times, and talking to him after such a long time was the most wonderful experience. It was so much fun, it was like resuming from where we left off so many years ago. A lot of things have changed I am sure, but a lot remain the same too.

There is so much more that I want to say, so many memories that I want to share, so many things that matter to me so much, so many more people who are important to me, but I cannot say them all. When I meet each and every one of you, one thing is for sure, i will appreciate the fact that you are special. Because truly, i want to thank each and every one of you, for creating those magical happy moments in my life. Thank you so much for being my friends.

The wait before the date

She gave me a ring, let’s meet up at 6,
It was 5:45 already, she had put me in a fix,
I called up my friends, sorry but don’t wait,
I got a call, I’m going on a date.

I opened my cupboard, took out my best shirt to wear,
Then off to the mirror, I had to style my hair,
I struggled with my jeans, borrowed deo from a friend,
Another look at my watch told me, I had to run till the end.

It was 6:10, I reached, expectantly looked at the door,
Did I really expect her, to be waiting on the road??
I looked in my pocket, fumbled with my phone,
Dialled her number, gave her a call.

My call was ignored so I decided to wait,
Another look at my watch told me, as usual she was late.
I wondered what she’d wear, the smell of her hair,
Till a guard on his bike, gave me a strange stare.

I wondered what to do, fidgeted with my keys,
It was 6:30 already, while I was waiting under the trees.
She gave me a call, I’ll be down in a bit,
I’m getting ready she winked, you’ll be in for a treat.

I was getting restless now, stomping my feet,
I would’ve rather gone with my friends on the beer treat,
I thought of the earful, that she would have to hear,
So the next time this wait, I wouldn’t have to endure.

Then she called me again, come up to the door,
She knew I was restless, and angry for sure,
But then when I saw her, as she opened the gate,
I realised it was worth it, the wait before the date.

Friendship.. People please suggest a better name..

We began the path on a sunny day, with scores walking by along,
The weather was full of mirth and gay, people breaking out in song,
Where my friend, have those scores gone now? All have but disappeared,
Aye my friend but for a few like you, all were gone the moment difficulty first appeared.

There were dozens still when clouds first covered the sky, shielding the sun from us above,
Some said, wow, what a wonderful sight, some ran from the storm as I knew they would,
Where my friend have they vanished now, the moment fun and games came to a stop,
Aye my friend but for a few like you, who always stood by my side like a rock.

There were many still when the rain came down, a gusting wind and huge wet drops,
An immense storm, like never before, scared most of those left, off,
But friendship my friend is a test of time, and but for it I would never have known,
For in those moments of adversity in that great storm, the seeds of great friendship were sown.

But we were just us left, when the storm finally dropped off, into a beautiful evening sky,
With a reddish hue, just like that of gold, and a wind on which you could fly,
It is apt indeed after the paths traversed that we come to this beautiful end,
For people will come and people will go, but we shall always remain great friends.

The man, the man that I was.

I sit on the edge, I look to the sea, I wonder what I am,
A gust of wind blows in my face, but somehow it’s not the same,
I close my eyes, my mind begins to whirl, my life passes by across,
And that’s when I begin to realise, I’m no more the man I was.

Those were the days, I had no fears, never gave a second thought,
I fought with my hands, loved with my heart, never ever had a doubt,
But now valour takes a turn to the south, when adversity clamps its hideous jaws,
And my head tells me again and again, I’m no more the man I was.

Those were the days, when lead by my heart, I reached the very brink,
Gave up myself without even a thought, that I might ever sink,
That fearless abandon I find no more, and while I lament at my loss,
Every drop that runs down from my eyes screams out at me, I’m no more the man I was.

But do I fear that all is lost too soon, while all can be made amends,
Have I let my shoulders droop, even before danger were across the bend,
Why can’t I find that valour now, that courage to brace the toughest of all odds,
Why can’t I go back even now, to the man, the man that I was.

And still I wonder what I did, where did I go wrong, where did I lose my way,
But there were things that weren’t in my hands, in which I had no say,
Then I wonder, and for all that’s worth, a question gets stuck in my head,
That where did that man get lost, the man, the man that I was??

As I sit on the edge of this cliff, looking at the sea, still wondering what I am,
Another gust of wind blows in my face, but now it brings a sense of calm,
The things I did, those things that changed the way I lived my life have gone,
And now I feel whenever I want, I can go back, back to the man, the man that I was.

The Fourth Hour: It's an old one.. just thought i would post it on my blog :)

Three hours in class, I am totally drained,
I feel so sleepy, feel so brained,
I wanna step out, I wanna run away,
But i decide to sit, Just another hour to bear.

My eyes are gonna close,
I try to keep them open,
That I will not doze,
Is all I am hoping.

The monster relentlessly goes on and on,
It seems after night, there is no dawn,
He writes illogical stuff on the board,
My brain is too tired to take the load.

My attention wavers. I drift off to sleep,
The struggle I'd begun, I forget to keep,
I fly into a world, a world of dreams,
Everything is so wonderful here, It seems.

I fight tough battles, I play new games,
Everything i do seems to bring me to fame,
And then a chalk strikes me, I know I'm dead,
I open my eyes, sheepily lift up my head.

The monster looms over, Gives me a glare,
I lower my head, wanna scamper like a hare,
Then he growls, chides me a lot,
At the end of his epilogue, tells me I'm kicked out.

I round up my books, Walk out of the door,
I look I'm repentant, I want everyone to be sure,
I step out of class, get around the turn,
Then a whoop, a dance, and off to the canteen i run

To go back...

As I walk onto the field in front of my house and look around, I sense that things have changed, for me at least. To the naked eye it all looks the same. A field subdivided into scores of smaller fields, all intersecting with each other. A cricket ground intersecting a football one, surely a Venn Diagram experts’ dream. And loads and loads of kids running around oblivious to their surroundings and intent only on the game in front them. Then what I ask myself is different? The answer is simple, it’s me.
In days gone by when I never had anyone to play with, I would just land up at the ground, and within a few minutes be absorbed into one of the scores of teams to choose from. All that was required was a little initiative to ask the people involved to take me in. Now however, 8-9 years down the line, things have changed. I try walking up to a group of boys playing football, but looking around, I just realise I have outgrown the years when these little boys in half pants accepted me as one of their own. Time has gone by, and oh how I wish I could just go back.
With great power, they say, comes great responsibility. Well it comes with every added year too. I wonder now, why we celebrate birthdays. Isn’t it just another year added to the days you have lived, and another few kilos added to your rucksack of responsibility. Ten years ago I would while away a day playing football on the field, with not a care in my mind. Now, as I try to step out there, there is something that holds me back. I wonder what I am going to do with my life, as if playing football weren’t a worth enough task. Fifteen years ago I would take out my sack of GI-Joe’s and cars, create armies and play out stories for fun. Now I am expected to sit in front of a computer screen and create presentations for my clients, and what’s more creativity isn’t appreciated.
There is a sense of anticipation from people around me now, is this guy going to make it, is this guy going to be successful, or will he be just another person discarded along the way. What is he going to do, how many degrees will he have, will he have a house of his own, will he buy a car. How I miss those good old days when all that mattered was to play, study and do well in exams. Life has become so complicated now. You have to think a hundred times before saying something to someone because people may get offended. Where has the pure value of honesty gone now? It is diplomacy that is the rage of the age.
Gone are the days when I could play pranks in class and get off with a mere ruler on my knuckles or a comment in my diary. Now one mistake could be the difference between success and failure, between a livelihood, and none. Those were the days when effort was appreciated by a smiley in your notebook, or an acknowledgement in class. Now effort of course is primary, and lack of it would convert into what in those days was, the dreaded expulsion.
Of course some things don’t change, for example the way your family supports you through crest and trough. Some things like friendship are like wine, they just get better with time. But for the rest of it, the expectations, the pains, the stress, nothing ever seems to be enough. I wish someone would invent a time machine, so that I could keep rewinding my life for 15 years, every time I got here in life. H.G. Wells, I really appreciate your efforts, I wish a scientist were inspired by you, because really, I want to go back.

Hair in the wrong places

I've always wondered why Indians have hair on the chests but none on their heads. This is a place of opposites, hair coming out of all the wrong places, but none where it really matters. Planning is absolutely zip; or atleast the people who are planning are zip...

Sex education, contraception easily available in cities which anyway are aware. In villages where population is bursting at the seams, awareness seems nil.

Dustbins, Garbage cans, Toilets all in Office Buildings, Shopping Malls. In other places of public where people throng roadsides, normal markets for example, ZIP. Throw your trash in the middle of the road son, it'll fill the cows stomach. Or if you wanna pee pee, that wall looks really dry. Why don't you wet it up a bit.

Politicians are old, octogenarians who look they will fall asleep at whatever meetings they attend. Sportspeople are old, on the wrong side of thrity. We mature late you see.

Cricketers who aspire to be dancers, tennis players who think they are models. And monster.com talks of picking up a dhobi and putting him on the cricket field.

If only some hair could be pulled out of the wrong places and stuck in the right ones. Mr. Bhogle did it, why can't India.

But wait... Ouch!!!! No one asked Mr. Bhogle how much it was going to hurt..

Blame-distributors and Credit-mongers

"I tried so hard", I protest, as tears stream down my face, " But why does it always happen to me?"
Self pity bouts that have the most destructive effects. Not only do they help you shrug off any semblance of a will to work hard, but also allows you to put the blame all on something beyond your control...... FATE"

We love to assign blame don't we! As a species even if it is blatantly evident that we have wronged, we still manage to assign it on someone or some event totally out of our control.

A boss talking to his team members was saying "We put in a lot of extra effort this time...". Member A cutting him short " Yes Yes that was me"... Boss " I just wanted to say it was a total waste of time and effort".. Member A... " Oh! Yeah exactly.. thats what I meant.. i didn't do it."

Praise: 'of course it was me'
Criticism: 'it couldn't have been me sir'

As the example illustrates, with success it's absolutely the opposite. A friend of mine came up one day. He had just won a competition of note, however his gait seemed to be dejected. I asked him why, and he said.. " Arre wo burbakh mota hai na, he's telling everyone that I won, not because I had talent but because he put in 2 words of advice in my ear. And strangely everyone believes him"

Call that credit-hogging.. Definitely a race of good for nothings....

For example say a man supports a political party that wins an election. In the aftermath he would behave a the prime minister himself. In an electorate as huge as ours, he would act as if his vote were the only one that counted.

On the other hand in the aftermath of defeat, we are the first to lay blame on the upper echelons of the party and the lack of their work at grassroot level. saying that what can a lone man do.

What I mean is that if aside from doing all these things we actually work on the process we can become a better race.